Caregiving Issues

Relocating Elderly Parents: Navigating Assisted Living

Convincing aging parents to move into assisted living can be difficult, but it's important to be proactive and start the search early. Learn how to navigate the options, what to look for in a facility, and how to approach the conversation with your parents in this blog post.

Diane Carbo

01 Aug 2023 — 7 min read

Moving Elderly Parents

By Judy Morton

Moving elderly parents convincing mom and dad that they need Assisted Living takes time and patience. I prefer to be proactive and work towards a move, instead of functioning in crisis mode. That is not always easy when dealing with difficult elderly parents.

Now we’re beginning The Search: finding a place for my husband’s parents to move to. They really do need to get out of their house and into some sort of managed care facility. The better places usually have waiting lists, so it’s imperative that we start looking.

There are so many options out there, and so many different places, offering levels of care. It’s bewildering, confusing, and overwhelming. And I’ve done this before, for my own beloved mother, so I at least have a bit of an idea what we’re in for on this search. My poor husband, on the other hand, doesn’t even know how to find a place to even look, much less what to look for, what questions to ask, what notes to take.

I do have a very long checklist, and since I am weird and love playing with spreadsheets, I’ve even figured out how to do a comparison database for all the places we check out. I’ve pored over the lists on various sites of things to look for to compile this database and I’m confident that it will tell us MOST of what we need to know to make a decision.

I also know that the most complete checklist in the world is not going to answer everything. Some things only time will tell, and are a matter of personality and personal likes, dislikes and quirks, and just cannot be judged in advance. But we’ll do the best we can to find the right place. We have certain criteria, and while there is “wiggle room” on some of the things we want, others are concrete.

Moving Day — **Home Care versus Assisted Living**

The plan is for me to do as much research online as I can to find various places and facilities. Get prices, see what amenities and services are offered. THEN my husband and I will set up tours of the best prospects. I will take my camera and a tape measure, and get photos and dimensions of every place we look. Once we’ve narrowed the choices down to something that won’t totally overwhelm my in-laws, we will show them what we’ve got, let them pick which ones they want to tour, and let them make the final choice.

But first… we have to talk FIL into going along with the idea of moving. He plans to stay in that house “until one of us dies” and has no intention of ever moving. And honestly, it might be better for him to stay where he is as long as he can, because it’s familiar to him. Moving him might accelerate his dementia, and cause him more anxiety and confusion.

But – it’s not fair to MIL; she really can’t cook much any more, she can’t do any housework, and neither can he, and being isolated at home with him all day is already impacting her physical, mental and emotional health. She is exhausted, because she can’t sleep at night from worry. And with a 90+ mile round trip, it’s awkward and exhausting for us to check in on them every day. So we have no choice but to get them to make this move. We know it won’t be easy. Sometimes you really do have to weigh the choices and pick the “lesser evil”, and hope you are making the right choice.

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FAQ 's Relocating Elderly Parents

What are senior living options available for my aging relative?
Senior living options include independent living, assisted living, memory care, and nursing homes, each offering varying levels of support based on care needs.

How do I know if my parent needs more assistance or should consider a nursing home?
Look for signs such as wandering, difficulty managing daily tasks, or needing constant supervision. Family meetings can help assess how much assistance is needed.

How can family members be on the same page when deciding on a parent's care?
Family meetings and open communication are essential. It's helpful to involve healthcare providers and create a plan ahead of time to ensure everyone is aligned.

What is a personal care agreement, and how can it help with caregiving services?
A personal care agreement outlines caregiving services provided by family members. It can help clarify roles, provide compensation, and create a win-win situation for everyone involved.

How do I help my parent prepare for a move to a new senior living environment?
Preparing for the move involves professional movers, organizing personal care needs, setting up healthcare providers, and ensuring their favorite furniture is included to ease the transition.

What should be considered when choosing a nursing home or memory care facility?
Consider the quality of healthcare providers, medication management, and the environment. Touring the facility and having family meetings with staff can provide peace of mind.

How do I help my parent adjust to a new environment in a nursing home?
Help them adjust by visiting frequently, setting up regular phone calls, and ensuring they stay connected to their community, whether through a senior center or activities in the new location.

How can I ensure my parent's legal and financial matters are in order before the move?
Make sure legal documents, such as wills and healthcare directives, are up to date. Also, monitor accounts and set up systems for paying bills, such as Social Security or retirement benefits.

What are some tips for managing care from a long distance?
Utilize caregiving services such as a care manager, attend medical appointments when possible, and set up monitoring systems for finances and health updates. Communication is key to long-distance caregiving.

How can memory impairments like Alzheimer’s disease affect the decision-making process?
Involving healthcare providers and having early conversations about their care preferences can guide the decision-making process when a parent faces memory impairments like Alzheimer’s disease.