How to Process Grief?

Diane Carbo

Sep 13, 2023 • 30 min read

Healing isn't linear; it's a journey of self-discovery

Introduction

Grief is an emotion that can be experienced on many levels and for many reasons. It is a reaction to the loss of something or somebody important, and is often accompanied by feelings of sadness, anger, loneliness, confusion and despair. Grief is a very individual experience, and no two people will process it in the same way. It is also something that cannot be ‘fixed’; rather, it is a journey that requires time, patience, empathy and understanding.

It is important to remember that there are no strict rules for managing grief. Everyone has their own needs and journey. However, there are ways to help cope with it such as engaging in cognitive, physical, social, and spiritual activities. It is also beneficial to get professional help if necessary. This guide provides helpful information and tips on how to best process grief.

The History of Grief

Grief has been a part of the human experience for hundreds of years. Throughout history, societies have sought different ways to process and cope with grief in response to traumatic experiences like death. In ancient Greece, traditional rituals included wearing black clothing as a form of outward mourning, while in Ancient Rome, individuals were encouraged to drink wine as a way of numbing emotional pain.

In the early modern period, death was seen as part of the normal course of life, and many believed that expression of strong emotion was only appropriate in the most tragic of circumstances. Deathbed scenes were often staged, with family members shedding public tears in order to demonstrate their mourning.

It wasn't until the 19th century that scientific interest in understanding grief began to take form. Sigmund Freud famously claimed that repression of emotions was a key feature of mental illness, and laid the groundwork for modern theories on grief and mourning.

Today, grief is understood to be an integral part of the human experience, and there are now numerous resources available to assist in the grieving process. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to dealing with grief, but understanding how it has been addressed over time can help provide insight into how to heal.

Types of Grief

Grief isn't something that affects everyone in the same way. There are different types of grief that can be experienced and each type can affect individuals differently. Understanding the type of grief someone is going through can help to better support them as they work through their emotions.

The most common types of grief are anticipatory grief, acute grief, chronic grief, survivor's grief, and complicated grief.

Anticipatory grief is the process of grieving before a death has occurred, such as in the event of an illness or terminal diagnosis.
Acute grief is the type of grief experienced immediately following a loss.
Chronic grief is the type of grief that lasts for an extended period of time, often for months or years.
Survivor's grief is the type of grief felt by those who have survived a traumatic experience.
Complicated grief occurs when a person has difficulty accepting or processing a loss.

The experience of grief is highly individualized and it is important to remember that no two people will grieve in the exact same way. Recognizing the different types of grief can help in understanding how someone is feeling and the challenges they may be facing.

The Five Stages of Grief

Grief can be a very powerful and overwhelming emotion, making it difficult to cope with and process in a healthy way. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the concept of the five stages of grief which can help explain the emotional responses one experiences when they are grieving. These five stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Denial is the first stage and is a way of denying the reality of the situation. During this stage, a person may avoid thinking or talking about the situation that has caused their grief. Anger is the second stage which is characterized by feeling overwhelmed by powerful emotions such as rage, guilt, and blame. Bargaining is the third stage and is a way for people to attempt to negotiate for better outcomes or change the reality of the situation. Depression is the fourth stage and is characterized by feeling deep sadness, emptiness, and hopelessness. The fifth and final stage is acceptance which is a way of understanding and coming to terms with the reality of the situation.

Understanding the five stages of grief can provide insight into one’s own experience with grief and offer tools for processing grief in a healthy way. By recognizing the emotions associated with each stage, one can better understand and cope with their own emotions. Additionally, by recognizing the stages as part of an overall process, it can provide hope that grief can transition into acceptance over time.

Processing Grief Cognitively

Grief can often be overwhelming, difficult to manage, and leave you feeling lost in a sea of emotions. Fortunately, cognitive processing is an effective tool to help manage the intense emotions associated with grief. Cognitive processing involves understanding and recognizing your own feelings as well as applying healthy coping mechanisms that help you through tough times.

Cognitive processing allows us to recognize how we feel and why it is important to express those feelings. By articulating our grief, it allows us to understand it in a way that can help it become more manageable. Through this process, we can find better ways to cope and build resilience when dealing with sadness, guilt, anger, and other difficult emotions.

The same cognitive skills that can be applied to managing grief can also be extended to other areas of life such as unhealthy relationships or stressful situations. When we recognize our emotions, we can then pick healthier ways to react and respond to those emotional triggers. Some techniques such as mindful breathing and visualization can be incredibly effective in helping calm the mind and body in the face of stress.

Processing Grief Physically

Grief can be an emotional rollercoaster, and sometimes finding the energy to simply get through the day can seem impossible. Exercise and physical activities can be a great source of relief during this time. When we exercise, our bodies release endorphins that can help boost your mood and give you an extra boost of energy. Exercise also helps reduce stress and regulate emotions.

Mindfulness is another powerful tool that can be used when processing grief. It allows us to take a step back from the present moment and experience it with greater clarity. Focusing on your breath and body can help you become aware of emotions, thoughts, and sensations as they arise. This can help us gain insight into our own emotions and create moments of stillness and peace in our lives.

When engaging in physical activities or mindfulness, it is important to tailor them to the individual. It is not necessary to overexert yourself with difficult exercises, instead look for activities that are doable and allow you to feel a sense of accomplishment. Take it slow and find ways to enjoy yourself while engaging in these activities.

Processing Grief Socially

Grieving can often cause us to feel isolated and alone. To help us navigate grief, engaging socially with other people is important. Talking to friends and family can bring us comfort and understanding during this difficult time. Being around other people helps prevent the feeling of loneliness, but it's also important to build and maintain healthy relationships as a foundation to provide additional support.

When faced with a challenging situation, such as grief, it can be helpful to have a strong system of support to rely on. Consider reaching out to your inner circle or look to professionals for advice. Here are some additional tips you can use to build healthy relationships:

Be respectful of boundaries and honest about expectations.
Communicate openly and clearly.
Listen actively and without judgement.
Show empathy and compassion.

Having healthy relationships can help create an environment of trust and respect. It is also important to seek professional help if you are continuously struggling with grief and it is becoming difficult to manage on your own.

Processing Grief Spiritually

Spirituality can be a powerful tool when it comes to processing grief. Engaging in spiritual practices such as meditation or prayer can help create a sense of hope and peace, even during times of sorrow. Meditation can provide an opportunity to be mindful and present with your emotions, while prayer can offer comfort and strength.

It is important to acknowledge that spiritual practices will look different for everyone and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Pay attention to what works best for you and try to connect to whatever brings you peace and comfort. If you find yourself struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out for support, either from friends, family, or professional help.

Consider these activities for helping you process your grief spiritually:

Explore different faiths and traditions to discover which speaks to you on a deeper level.
Take time to be still and practice moments of mindfulness.
Create a spiritual practice that works for you—whether it’s journaling, listening to music, lighting candles, spending time in nature, or meditating.
Light a candle or say a prayer for yourself and the loved one you have lost.
Spend time around others who share your faith and values.

Creating a spiritual practice can help you to feel more connected and help you to find peace during difficult times. Trust yourself to find what works best for you and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

Supporting Others Through Grief

When it comes to supporting someone in grief, being present is often the best gift you can give. It’s important to understand that there may not be anything anyone can say or do to make the situation better, but simply being there and listening can offer an immense amount of comfort and support. This can be hard to remember in the face of someone else’s pain, but it’s better to focus on being a shoulder to cry on rather than giving advice.

Sometimes it’s tempting to try to fill the empty space with words, but it’s often more effective to just listen. It’s okay to be silent—sometimes, that silence is the most therapeutic thing. Just allow the person to express their emotions without judgement, and offer kind words to show your empathy and understanding.

It's also important to recognize that grieving is an individual experience. Although there are many stages of grief, no two people grieve the same way. As a supporter, it’s essential to remain respectful and understanding of the individual’s own unique process. Don’t force or rush them and instead provide love and comfort as they navigate their grief journey.

Seeking Professional Help

Grief is a difficult emotion to process and for many people, it can be too overwhelming to handle alone. In such cases, seeking professional help can be very beneficial. It can provide an opportunity to reflect and get perspective on the situation in order to make progress in processing grief.

When is it necessary to seek professional help? If the grief is ongoing and extreme and not improving with time or the individual is having difficulty functioning on a daily basis, this is an indication that professional help should be sought.

Finding a therapist or counsellor who is experienced in grief and loss is the first step in seeking professional help. Talking to friends and family or looking for referrals online are great ways to begin the search. Mental health organisations such as Lifeline or Beyond Blue may also offer helpful resources in finding the right professional.

Conclusion

Grief can be a difficult and overwhelming experience, but it's important to remember that we don't have to go through it alone. It is essential to understanding our own emotions and learning how to process them in order to move forward. There are many resources available to help guide us through the grieving process. We can benefit from the support of our families and friends, as well as professionals who specialize in grief.

By taking the time to understand and process our grief, we can take the necessary steps to find peace and healing. We must remember to take care of ourselves and not shy away from seeking out additional help. Having a supportive environment and a healthy routine can help us move forward.

We hope this guide has provided you with some valuable insights into how to process grief. Feel free to reach out for additional help and to further explore the resources available to you on your journey.

References

When writing a guide about processing grief, it is important to have sources of accurate information. We have compiled a list of recommended resources to help you learn more and gain a better understanding of the grieving process: