My Father Was On Hospice Care. Am I Wrong to Think That They Rushed His Death?

Beatrice asks,

Losing a loved one is never easy, and navigating the delicate balance between medical care and compassionate end-of-life support can be overwhelming.

In this heartfelt narrative, I share the journey of my father, who was placed on hospice care 12 days before he died from liver cancer.

The day he was admitted to the hospital, he was talking and eating, very clear-headed despite his ammonia levels being high and rising. This caused him to become combative. He stopped eating and refused to take his medicines for three days at his nursing home.

The hospice social worker talked to me about admitting my dad into the hospice unit instead of returning him to the nursing home. I agreed, and all the arrangements for hospice care were made. When my dad was transferred that day, he was alert and in good spirits.

The next morning when I came to see him, he was unresponsive. He remained that way until he passed.

I cannot help but think that the morphine and Ativan they gave him hurried his death. He stopped drinking, but they cleansed his mouth and moistened it with swabs. I feel as if he could hear me during the first few days because when I would shake his shoulder and call him, he would open his eyes and slightly move his mouth.

I requested that the nurse lower the dosage of the medications so he could wake. The nurse explained that he was already receiving a very small dose.

I now wonder if the drugs made him unresponsive. Maybe if they used less, he could have started to eat and drink again. Perhaps he could have lived longer.

In my heart, I know it was his time to leave this world, but I do not understand how someone goes from complete alertness to total unresponsiveness so quickly.

I’m not complaining—the hospice care nurses did a wonderful job. I do not know how they do what they do. They treated my dad with such kindness and were so gentle and compassionate.

I was just wondering: does anyone else feel that death felt a little rushed once their family member was placed in hospice?

My Father Was On Hospice Care. Am I Wrong to Think That They Rushed His Death?
Beatrice

Dear Beatrice,

First, I would like to say how very sorry I am for your loss. No one can truly understand the pain you are feeling.

Given your father’s liver cancer and rising ammonia levels, it’s possible for his condition to change from alertness to unresponsiveness overnight. When ammonia levels rise to a toxic threshold, the body can no longer cope, resulting in the rapid decline you observed.

I understand that your father’s passing may have felt unexpected to you. Unfortunately, this often stems from a delay in referring patients to hospice care. There is a widespread fear of discussing end-of-life issues, with some family members believing that hospice represents "giving up." That is far from the truth.

Studies show that individuals on hospice care, with the same diagnosis as those without hospice, actually live about a month longer. Yes, hospice care has been shown to prolong life by providing comfort and support during critical times.

Hospice care does not hurry death. Instead, it helps individuals remain in control of their lives until their last breath, ensuring they pass in comfort and peace, surrounded by loved ones.

I am deeply sorry for your loss, but I am heartened to hear that hospice care provided your father with comfort during his final days. Hospice also offers a bereavement benefit for family members, which includes support and grief counseling for up to 18 months after a loved one’s passing. I encourage you to take advantage of this invaluable service.

In conclusion, I believe your journey with hospice care has illuminated the true essence of compassion and comfort during your father’s battle with liver cancer. While questions about hastening his passing are natural, the kindness and support from the hospice team provided your father with dignity and solace in his final days.

Embracing the philosophy of hospice care allowed you and your family to cherish your remaining time with your father, honoring his journey with grace and love. Through this poignant experience, we are reminded of the immeasurable value of hospice care—a compassionate embrace that ensures every individual faces life’s closing chapters with respect and tender care.

Warm Regards,
Diane Carbo RN