Navigating the Challenges of being a Caregiver: From Small Steps to Great Strides
In this personal blog post, the author shares her journey as a caregiver and the struggles she faced in balancing her personal well-being with taking care of her family. She encourages others to make a list and take one small step towards self-care and happiness.
By Beverly Powell
The journey of being a caregiver is a complex one, shaped by personal experiences that both enlighten and impede our growth. These experiences, from the most minor to the most significant, profoundly impact us. In this narrative, I'd like to share some intimate aspects of my life that have influenced my caregiving role.
One fateful Sunday afternoon, my husband and I discovered my father-in-law lifeless on his sofa. Although he wasn't my own father, I found myself in caregiver mode almost instinctively, shielding my then-seventeen-year-old daughter from the shock of the scene. I ushered her and my mother-in-law out of the room while my husband, the eldest of two sons, assumed the mantle of responsibility. He contacted the funeral home and embarked on the arduous quest for what I now call the "imaginary will," a topic often discussed but never substantiated.
In the midst of this upheaval, my brother-in-law arrived with his three-year-old granddaughter, and I kept her distracted and away from the somber scene. As my husband juggled funeral preparations, visitors, and the elusive will, I became the primary caregiver for Joyce, my daughter, both households, and the search for a new home.
Our rental house no longer sufficed, and I knew we needed something better and more permanent. Amidst this turmoil, I neglected my own well-being, missing two critical doctor's appointments, one of which pertained to my seizures. For years, I had managed my seizures effectively, but the missed neurologist appointment led to escalating health problems.
Yet, in those challenging times, I focused solely on mending my family's wounds, a common trait among mothers and caregivers—our innate drive to fix everything.
Fast forward to the present. I'm still grappling with my seizures, but I've addressed the other health issues with two surgeries, one of which necessitated an eight-week recovery. Neglecting my hair, it grew to the length of my spine, a stark reminder of my self-neglect. However, a transformative moment occurred last week.
I began rising a bit earlier, carving out precious time after my husband left for work and before my daughter and Joyce awoke. During these stolen moments, I started addressing the things I had been neglecting and making excuses for. I realized that by tackling the smallest issues first, I could gradually care for the rest.
The Challenges of Being a Caregiver
A message from Diane Carbo prompted a revelation—I had neglected my love for writing. Once, I had been crafting a book, but my creativity had withered due to constant caregiving demands. Now, I'm writing factually instead of fiction, a small but meaningful step towards reclaiming my creative spirit. I've even rescheduled the missed doctor's appointment from months ago and scheduled a much-needed haircut. My hair is long, but not Rapunzel-long, and who knows, I might reach the greatest before next year. Here's to trying.
I challenge each of you to create a list and take one small step toward self-care. You'll be amazed at how your own happiness can radiate to those you care for. When you're content, your loved ones are too.
