Dealing with Caregiver Burden: My Grandmother's Negative Behaviors Affecting My Children

Maura writes,

Though I'd rather not label it a "caregiver burden," my current situation is far from what I had anticipated.

My decision to move my family into my grandmother's house and invest over $100K in renovations was motivated by her unwavering support and care throughout my life. My immediate family includes two young children, two teenagers, and a supportive husband.

However, we've encountered a significant hurdle: my grandmother's declining mental health due to dementia. Her behavior has become increasingly challenging, as she wrongly accuses my children of theft and of letting the dog escape. Often, she takes my daughter's baby dolls and claims them as her own, leaving my youngest child in tears.

Despite her condition, my mother and her sisters have refused to offer assistance or support.

Recently, my grandmother's behavior took a distressing turn when she began disrobing and wandering around the house unclothed. I find myself redressing her over 20 times a day. Adding to the complexity of the situation is the fact that the house is still in my grandmother's name, and I lack any legal documentation confirming her intent to have us live here to provide care.

At this juncture, I'm feeling lost and apprehensive. It appears that selling my home, which is also my grandmother's home, might be necessary to fund her placement in a nursing home. Medicaid Asset Protection should be considered in this process.

For now, I'm taking each day as it comes, striving to provide the care she needs to keep her at home and not risk losing everything.

Dear Maura,

Given your situation, I strongly recommend scheduling an appointment with an elder care attorney as soon as possible. Laws regarding house ownership and caregiving provisions differ by state, and you might be eligible to retain the house based on your care and residency. Additionally, explore options for a Medicaid Waiver program in your area, as these programs may provide much-needed support.

If your grandmother or her husband served in the military, consider exploring Veteran's benefits that may offer assistance with caregiving or financial needs.

Regarding her challenging behaviors—particularly disrobing—this can be especially difficult given the presence of children in the house. One approach to manage this behavior is to create a fidget apron:

• Use an old dress shirt and place it backward over her clothing.
• Add buttons, velcro straps, a large zipper, and pockets on the back.
  This can help keep her hands occupied and potentially reduce the urge to disrobe.

Your challenges are significant, and it's essential to seek help within your community and from professionals. Medicaid Asset Protection can play a vital role in securing your grandmother's future care while preserving your family's well-being.

Remember, you are not alone. There are resources and professionals available to assist you during this difficult time.

Warm Regards,
Diane Carbo RN