This is a story of elder abuse going on …
My name is Brenda, my mom is Jo Ann. she is 77 and lives in
California.-Bakersfield . She has Demential/Alzheimer’s. She is abused in many
ways and Ive spent the last 4 yrs trying to get her help, trying to get her to
ny Trying to get the abuser away from her.
Nothing works. My heart has been broken.my trust in the system is gone. My own
life has taken a back seat..I spend countless hours on the phone, on the
internet. searching for the answer. Searching for help.
My at home family consist of my self, my 24 yrs old daughter and my 17 yr old
son who is on the spectrum . He is also a wish kid.For those unfamiliar with
that he was granted a wish thru Make- A -Wish. He has a serious heart
condition, he will need his aortic valves replaced at some point. he is high
functioning and full of life-his infectious laugh and happiness often makes my
The abuse my mother is suffering at the hands of my brother is horrible. He
gets and uses for his own needs most of her money- he use to get all of it but 2
yrs ago I was able to get it thru a payee service. they at least pay her bills
before they give it to him. He uses those funds for tobacco, drugs and alcohol.
He receives food stamps and uses them for what food does get into that house.
My mother generally is served cereal. and on the days he gets the money pizza
delivery.I hear of people bringing food at times, recently a big bucket of
He hits her, he calls her names, he threatens her and to hurt her animals.He
tells her hes not letting her come back to ny , her only option is a home which
always gets her very agitated, and at times she screams at me rather than him.
I have made multiple calls to check the wefare via the police, they always tell
me shes fine. standards are: a roof over a persons head, food in the house(any
type any amount) when they were called about the
hitting he told her (I heard him via phone) that if she didn’t tell the police
she ran into something they would put him in jail and then her only option would
be a home. Adult protective has been there-many times. I have called, her Drs
called , Hospice called and a neighbor has called. They always tell me theres
nothing they can do, That she has a right to choose how to live. I always ask
them but she is not able to make choices for her own well being- like making him
leave, or going to her Drs apts.Their reply is always the same- no one has
deemed her incompetent.
More on Elder Abuse – No One is Listening. Please Help….
The house is filthy, including the dog feces on the floor that he laughs about
saying hey I clean it up once a week…. last yr he told me the toilet didn’t
work and the sewage was in the house. a pipe under ground had broken also and
sewage was in the yard. It took me MULTIPLE calls to get code to go there, and
when they did he was tagged and had to get it fixed. My moms money did pay that,
and I hear it still that its my fault they had less money the few months it took
to pay it off. He cashed in her life/funeral insurance but I was able to catch
that and have a stop payment put on the check they issued- before it even
arrived at the house. he took it anyway and deposited. it- how the bank accepted
it I do not know. but when they figured out it had a stop on it 900$ had already
been taken out by him using her card. I must say she doesn’t walk well or
far.not even to the mail box.she doesn’t go anywhere, The money use to come via
check thru the payee and he would sign it and HER friend would cash it and give
to him.(some friend )
until 2 yrs ago he made her drive and would laugh and say it was always a scary
ride. I was able to get that license taken away. he sold her car a red
convertible mustang and of course he benefitted from that sale. there are so
many things ive heard him say and do to her via phone conversations with her,
hes always in the background and hes always telling her watch what you say to
her don’t give her ammunition. He constantly tells her im the enemy. hes very
good at manipulating her every thought.
recently I did record his conversation, in California its a 2 party state
meaning the other person must give permission to be taped, he did….and I
taped and on it he admits to hitting her but he called it twicking her head and
it works because it gets her attention…..he said he still does it and laughed
that the cops that came that time 2 yrs ago believed him and her. she was able
then to call a friend who went there and took a picture. I have that picture.
she weighs 65 pounds I know some of that is persons with lung issues burn
calories faster that others. but its still far too little to weigh.
SHe use to get meals on wheels but she sleeps and so he ate them said they were
pretty good so I reported that. he admitted it saying didn’t want them to go to
waste- so they stopped them. He a liar a conniver.
Just recently in the presence of her aide he told her to shut the F up, she said I wish someone would help me
get you out of here he said shutup…..they screamed at eachother and when it
settled down I asked to speak with the woman, I asked her if it was ok what she
just saw and heard and her response sent me to the moon! she said its ok she has
dementia she wont remember! I said so just because she doesn’t remember its ok
to treat her poorly.? she said its not her job, I called her boss who basically
told me the same thing. SO I then called adult protective who told me they
will investigate that and if found to be true she would be fined,= fined?? not
fired for not reporting it? or attempting to get her help? he is able to explain
everything away saying its the dementia rambling.
Its not. she asked me to help her get out with out him knowing. she has snuck
out when he was sleeping and brought home by neighbors and police. she told me
she feels sick to her stomach, she knows something isn’t right but doesn’t know
how to get help.
all of this just makes me sick.
tonight she was coming to the phone when I called he asked which cereal do you
want then I heard his say where are you going, she said the bathroom I just
leaked. he said youre running out of clothes..I said to him didn’t you ever see
a poise commercial and aren’t you doing her laundry- he said no and she knows
how to do laundry she just doesn’t do it
she has told him countless times she wants to leave he always convinces her that
she doesn’t-its too cold in ny he tells her, but lately shes asking me to get
her and hes telling me he has had enough-until 2 days ago that is. he said hey
its warm now I will stay toil she croaks,, that reminded me that hes also said
to her will you hurry up and croak so I can get out a here,, I can only imagine
what goes on tha I don’t hear because he is sometimes carefull of what he says
but once drunk a lot slips out and he doesn’t care , on the tape I made Friday I
told h im I was givingit to police he said give it yer best shoe they don’t
Im sure that ive left out many things, its hard to write this, it makes tears
flow -I feel helpless…..I feel im racing time to try to get her here, I don’t
have the money to get a ticket- a refunadable one because if its the cheap non
refundable and for any reason shes not on it-likely caused by his..its lost.
Have you had an experience like this? Do you have an advice for Brenda?
Please share here