Home Caregiver Support Caregiving Issues Fed Up Care Giving Issues

Fed Up Care Giving Issues


by Roberta

My grandparents raised me. However I know who my mother is and have a bond with my family. Yet I am only 27 and somehow my aunts/uncles feel the need to not help their own mother. My grandmother has been married for over forty five years and my grandfather does what he can. I feel stuck I am in school full time and work and have no social life. I have set my boundaries but its hard. My aunts/uncles even mother have their lives they don’t offer to help let alone visit. I have my life ahead of me, not trying sound selfish but I’m passed my breaking point. My grandfather is retired and now works a part time job to keep afloat.

It is really stressful and does not want to put my grandmother into a nursing home. She has had home care and refused treatment.

The doctor’s told her if she does not allow the nurses to come back to the home, they cannot treat her. That was in February and now it is October.
There has to be another way.I understand some people want to be in control and when they can’t be in control anymore take their pain and anger out on others.


I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this at such a young age. The most difficult thing for you is to watch the grandmother you love make poor choices. And the grand father you love support those choices when you know that there is alternative help and resources out there.

The saddest part of this equation is, and this happens most frequently, is their perception of control. The simple fact is, by not getting the proper help, by not becoming educated health care consumers your grandparents, like most people, put themselves at risk for strangers taking control when a crisis occurs.
And it is a matter of time that a crisis will occur.
Due to lack of planning and use of community resources, the very thing that your grandparents were trying to prevent,admission to a nursing will probably occur. It is most often does and is inevitable. The statistics are in their favor for it.

I know that this is hard to understand. But, right now, all you can do is be there to support them the best way you know how. That would be to love them, be a great student and at least try to get them to get all the medical information, insurance information, medications, medical history, doctors names and telephone numbers together for both your grandparents.

Keep it up to date for them. If you can get them start planning ahead and make some one a power of attorney for health care and get them to write out an advanced directive, you will have accomplished great things.

Roberta, take baby steps. The medical information first. And do not forget to make a copy for yourself. Here’s a link that will be helpful to you.

Diane Carbo RN