What are the Stages of Grief?

Diane Carbo

Oct 29, 2023 • 33 min read

From Pain to Healing: Understanding the Stages of Grief

Grief is a natural response when you experience loss or undergo a change in your life. Although the process of grieving can be painful and difficult, understanding the stages of grief is an important step in helping us to understand our feelings and cope with them in a healthy way.

In this guide, we’ll look at the history of grief theory and popular psychological theories associated with it. We'll discuss how to better understand the process of grieving and dispel some common myths about grief. We'll then delve into an exploration of the five main stages of grief, and provide some effective coping strategies for each. We'll also explore how reactions can differ amongst individuals during different stages of grief, as well as provide advice for dealing with physical symptoms associated with grief. We’ll also offer realistic interventions for those that are having difficulty coping, and provide strategies for long-term recovery from grief. Finally, we’ll wrap up by highlighting helpful online resources or support groups available for further assistance.

Understanding grief is a vital part of healing and allowing us to move forward. With this guide, we hope to provide readers with the information and tools they need to begin their journey towards recovery.

History of Grief Theory

Grief is an emotion that has been experienced by humans for as long as we have been able to feel. While it is a natural reaction that everyone will experience at some point, it wasn't until the 19th century that psychological theories began to be developed around understanding and coping with grief.

The earliest psychological theories on grief date back to Sigmund Freud's work in the 1920s. Freud was one of the first to draw attention to the stages of grief and presented a framework for understanding loss. He drew attention to the fact that grieving is more than just an emotional experience, it can also affect people physically and sociologically.

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross published her landmark book ""On Death and Dying,"" which popularized the idea of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This theory of the stages of grief has been widely accepted in the medical and psychological community, although it is important to note that reactions to grief can vary greatly between individuals.

Over time, different theories of grief have been developed, with more recent research examining the effects of culture and societal norms. While science still has much to learn about the way people grieve, understanding the common theories, such as the 5 stages of grief, can help us better cope when faced with overwhelming emotions.

Understanding Grief

Grief can be an incredibly difficult experience for anyone, but it is important to understand the process of grieving and how to better cope with it. Grief is not a single emotion, but rather a combination of several different feelings such as sadness, guilt, anger, regret, loneliness, and shock. Everyone experiences and copes with grief differently. It can take time to accept and heal from the loss.

There are common misconceptions that can sometimes make the grieving process even harder. The most pervasive of these being that people should “get over their grief” or “move on” after a certain amount of time. This is simply not true. It is impossible to set an exact timeline for when someone should or will be done grieving. Every individual is different and should take the time that they need to grieve in their own way.

Another common myth about grief is the belief that people who have lost someone close to them should never be truly happy again. This could not be further from the truth. It is perfectly okay to be able to find joy in life again despite the sadness from the loss. One does not negate the other. Furthermore, it is important to remember that continuing to live and enjoy life can serve both as a form of honoring the memories of those who have been lost and as a form of healing.

It is also important to recognize that grief is not only experienced after the death of a loved one. Loss can come from a variety of sources such as divorce, job loss, moving, or any other major life changes. All of these can cause grief in their own right and should be taken seriously.

No matter where you are in your grief journey, it is crucial to be gentle with yourself and take care of your physical and mental health. Reach out to your support network and remember that help is available if you need it.

Stages of Grief

Grief is a normal response to any kind of loss, and is a complex emotional process that can take on different forms. It’s not a linear process, so it doesn’t follow a linear pattern as such, but there are five main stages of grief that we go through:

Denial is the first stage of grief. This is where we feel completely overwhelmed and find it difficult to accept what has happened. We might have feelings of shock, numbness, and disbelief.
Anger is the second stage of grief. We might become frustrated or lashing out at those around us. We can feel very angry that this has happened or feel wronged by our situation.
Bargaining is the third stage of grief. We may find ourselves making deals with a higher power in an attempt to change the situation or make it better. We may try to avoid the pain of our situation by wishing desperately for something different.
Depression is the fourth stage of grief. Here we experience feelings of sadness and emptiness and may withdraw from our everyday activities. We may feel like life has no meaning without the thing we’ve lost.
Acceptance is the fifth and final stage of grief. Here we come to terms with what has happened and begin to move forward with our lives. We find balance in our emotions and accept the reality of our situation.

It’s important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and that everyone experiences grief differently. It’s also important to understand that it is ok to go back and forth between stages and that each of these stages is necessary for us to properly heal.

Coping Strategies for Each Phase

Grieving can be an overwhelming process. To help with the transition between stages, there are a few things to keep in mind. It’s important to know that grief is not linear - it may feel like one stage leads into the next, but hours, days, or even weeks can pass with one emotion lingering. Also, feelings of grief may come back after a period of peaceful acceptance.

Below are some coping strategies for each stage of grief.

Denial: Denial serves as a healthy defense mechanism – it reduces the initial shock of the loss and allows you time to slowly accept the help you need. Acknowledge your feelings and talk to trusted friends and family.
Anger: Let yourself feel angry, but don’t bottle it up. Channel that energy into positive outlets such as hobbies, exercise, journaling, art, etc. Find healthy outlets to express your anger.
Bargaining: Feeling like you have no control during this phase is normal. Find activities that will help you to let go and find acceptance. Meditation, journaling, and prayer can all be helpful.
Depression: Don’t be ashamed to seek professional help if grief takes a toll on your mental health. Talking through your emotions with a qualified therapist is a great way to work through the sadness.
Acceptance: Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting, but instead, learning to live with the loss in a healthier way. Focus on finding joy and purpose again, and be sure to take care of yourself.

It’s important to note that everyone experiences grief differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There are however, certain strategies that can help. Remember, you are not alone. Seeking out support from friends, family, and professionals is key to working through the stages of grief.

Varying Reactions to Grief

Grief is a complex emotional experience that evokes a wide range of reactions. Although the stages of grief remain the same, how individuals deal with them can vary greatly. Some people may move through all stages quickly and naturally, while others may become stuck in one particular stage. Furthermore, the intensity and duration of each stage can differ depending on one’s personal circumstances and attitude towards loss.

For example, some may go through denial and anger at a much slower pace than others. Conversely, some may experience various stages of grief all at once. In any case, it is important to remember that there is no set timeline for mourning a loss and that everyone deals with it in their own unique way.

In addition, it is also important to note that grief can manifest itself physically as well as emotionally. Tension headaches, tiredness, shortness of breath, and chest pains are common physical symptoms of grief. This is an oftentimes overlooked aspect of the grieving process, but nonetheless it is something that should be addressed.

Dealing With Physical Symptoms

Grief can take a toll on our bodies as well as our minds. It is not uncommon to experience physical symptoms during this time. Some of the most common physical symptoms associated with grief include headaches, loss of appetite, sleep disturbances or fatigue, muscle tension or aches, restlessness and changes in weight.

In order to manage and minimize these physical symptoms it is important to take care of your body as much as possible. Making sure to get plenty of rest, eating healthy meals, exercising regularly and finding time for relaxation can help to mitigate some of the more severe physical symptoms. Additionally, turning to natural remedies like aromatherapy, yoga or meditation can be beneficial in reducing physical distress.

It is also important to note that if physical symptoms persist and become more severe, it is advisable to seek medical attention. Professional help may be necessary if symptoms are particularly impairing day to day functioning.

Interventions for People That are Struggling

When someone is grieving, it can be difficult to cope and move through the stages. If a person has been struggling for a while following a tragedy, there are interventions that can help them find relief. Depending on the level of grief experienced, a range of interventions may be necessary.

If the grieving individual is open to it, counseling services can be incredibly beneficial. There are numerous psychologists and counselors with experience dealing with grief and loss. They can provide emotional support and help identify any underlying issues that may be intensifying the grief. In some cases, medications can help reduce levels of distress and anxiety.

Additionally, activities such as journaling, art therapy, and even exercise can help express emotions in a healthy way. Spending time in nature, talking to friends and family, and engaging in hobbies can also help reduce stress levels. Taking some time away from work can allow for more introspection and healing.

Though grief is a natural process, it can take a long time and individuals may need extra help to get through it. Seeking professional intervention can aid in the process and make it easier to manage.

Long-Term Recovery

The grieving process is a personal and unique experience, and the timeline of recovery can be difficult to predict. Reaching a point of long-term recovery is possible, but takes patience and time. The following are some strategies for recovering from grief to help you get back on track:

Take it one day at a time. Allow yourself to grieve for short periods without trying to push it away. Cry if need be.
Start by gradually adding small positive activities back into your life. Little by little increase the difficulty and time commitment of these activities.
Surround yourself with a strong support system. Talk openly with family and friends about your feelings. This could be in person or even online communities.
Avoid turning to unhealthy coping methods such as excessive drinking, drug use, or indulging in reckless behavior.
Practice self-care activities like yoga, mindfulness, and journaling. Taking care of yourself is important for long-term recovery.
Find ways to honor the memory of your loved one. Examples can include planting a garden, creating a photo album, or visiting places that remind you of them.

Recovering from grief is a gradual process but it is important to remember that it is possible to heal over time. It is essential to recognize that healing looks different for everyone, so above all else, please allow yourself time and space to effectively grieve the loss.

Resources

Grief can be an overwhelmingly difficult process to navigate alone. Fortunately, there are many resources available both online and in-person that can provide helpful guidance or advice. Here are a few suggestions for resources to explore:

Online support groups: Online support groups are a great way to connect with people who are going through a similar experience. There may even be specific support groups for people dealing with the same type of loss as you. Check out websites such as GriefNet, Counseling.org, or The Compassionate Friends.
Hotlines: If you need someone to talk to in the moment, hotlines are available 24/7 and offer free, anonymous emotional support. Popular hotlines include The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255), The Crisis Text Line (741741), and The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233).
Online therapy: Online therapy provides a convenient, private way to access mental health professionals from the comfort of your own home. There are various services available, both paid and free, with different levels of anonymity. Examples include BetterHelp, TalkSpace, and Breakthrough.
Local support groups: Your local community may have local support groups for those grieving a loss. Contacting your local funeral home or search online to find one near you.
Books: Many helpful books exist that provide guidance on how to cope with the different stages of grief. A few popular examples include Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s On Death and Dying, J. William Worden’s Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, and David Kessler’s Vast Well of Grief.

No single resource is right for everyone, so always take the time to find what works best for you. It may take some trial and error to figure out what kind of support you need or want, so don’t give up if something doesn’t feel quite right.

Grief is an often overwhelming and complex emotion. It's a normal human experience that everyone deals with in their own way, making it difficult to understand or fully comprehend. Understanding the stages of grief can help us better navigate the grieving process and equip us with helpful coping strategies.

The five main stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each stage affects individuals differently and it’s important to remember that there is no specific timeline for anyone. It’s perfectly normal to go back and forth between different stages and not everyone experiences all five.

Denial can include feelings of shock, disbelief, or numbness. During this stage, it’s important to understand that it’s okay to feel this way and allow yourself to process your emotions. Coping strategies during this time might include talking to close friends or family members, finding activities to distract you from any negative thoughts, and seeking professional help if needed.

Anger is another common reaction to loss and can manifest itself in many forms; from yelling at a wall to having outbursts of rage, each individual reacts differently. During this stage it can be helpful to try to express yourself in healthy ways, such as writing, painting, or talking to someone who understands.

Bargaining is usually accompanied with feelings of guilt and regret. This is generally the most difficult stage of grief and is sometimes described as a back-and-forth process. People often look for anything they can do to undo the pain of the loss. This can be especially hard to cope with as there is no way to get a resolution. It’s important to have compassion for yourself and recognize that your feelings are valid.

Depression typically follows the bargaining stage and can cause a lack of interest in activities, feelings of emptiness, fatigue, and trouble sleeping. People going through this stage should focus on taking care of themselves in healthy ways like eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, and seeking mental health support.

The final stage of grief is acceptance. At this point, you stop blaming yourself or others and begin to adjust to the new reality of your life. This does not necessarily mean that you are happy about what happened, but it means that you have begun to accept and move forward with your life. This stage can take some time and it’s important to give yourself permission to take whatever time you need.

It is also important to remember that grief is a personal experience and every person’s reaction is different. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. If you are ever feeling overwhelmed by grief, speaking to a professional or joining a support group can be helpful in navigating your emotions.